Human Animal

Dutch 

No matter how hard you pray, you'll always be a human animal.  Humans and bonobos share 98% of the same DNA (that's more similarity than fox and dog).  We are not descended from apes, we literally are apes.  All of us, even Creationists who hot wash reality with dumb and dangerous ideas that are absolutely wrong.  Dumb and dangerous ideas like Intelligent Design, which is absolutely wrong or Young Earth Theory, which is absolutely wrong, or just about anything proposed by the American Scientific Affiliation, which is comprised of apes, all of whom are absolutely wrong.  

We the people of Portland, Oregon reject Creationism.  It's a dead fish in dumb water.  Instead, we propound the scientific theory of Evolution and would like to offer our friend Dutch as proof.  Ladies and gentle apes of the Bible Belt, here is your missing link!  Gather 'round the screen and gaze in wonder at our common ancestor!  Does he mesmerize you?  Does he instill a sense of awe and fear?  As his eyes pierce through you, can you feel the lust and heat of the savannah pulsing though your vains?  Celebrate it!  Dont be afraid of who you are; have a party in a tree*  And as you come to terms with the sensations of your true origin, please be sure to take advantage of this exclusive opportunity for  membership into Club Reality.  If you'd like to subscribe to our newsletter, make checks payable to Homo Sapien and mail it to your own address @ Ape City, Planet Earth.